Sarcasm for Breakfast

I read a post today on SingleBlackMale by one of my favorite bloggers, WIM, about Female Insecurity and Male Insensitivy. I did what I usually do, and read through the comments before leaving my own thoughts on the topic. One comment in particular stood out to me, left by African Mami:

 I don’t understand how a woman’s self esteem can be tied to a man. Self-esteem is about one’s perception and overall evaluation about their belief system. It should not/never be influenced by negative vibes, especially men vibes.

While I get what she’s saying, and agree that maybe it should be that way [in a perfect world] - I don’t think it’s as simple as that. Insecurity creeps up on even the most confident of people. “Negative vibes” can hit you where you’re already weak and make that little voice in your head get just a little bit louder. I’m not saying that the way you view yourself will change completely, but words do have power, and can make you question yourself temporarily. Ultimately, I believe it comes down to how much you value someone’s [the person making the comment's] opinion. What I mean is, a negative comment from a random stranger may not bear any weight if my self-esteem is high. I don’t care about what that stranger thinks of me. However, if someone I love and respect, like a significant other, makes a negative comment about my appearance, I’m more likely to take that comment to heart. Maintaining a high self-esteem, for me anyway, is easier when I have validation. “When you look good, you feel good.” How do you know when you look good? Someone else has told you so, whether verbally or nonverbally. There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with seeking approval. And this post may speak to my vanity, but oh well, I’m vain sometimes. You will deal. Obviously, there are many other factors that play into one’s self-esteem, but surrounding onesself with supportive, uplifting people is just as important.

See, that didn’t help him. =/

Most people are more critical of themselves than any outside source could ever be. We’re human, and as such, are not perfect and have insecure moments from time to time. Self-confidence doesn’t flourish overnight. It’s developed over time through a series of events that can either reinforce or tear down the perception we have of ourselves. A huge part of that development is focused on acceptance from others. When I was younger, like early teens, I had low self-esteem. The majority of it stemmed from the fact that I didn’t get a lot of attention from guys. As much as I had going for me, I just never felt that great about myself. My first boyfriend, at age 16,  played a major role in getting me to love myself. Sometimes you need a little help believing in yourself, and that’s okay.

So obviously, my answer to this question is YES, without a doubt. Other people’s opinions matter, whether you’d like to admit it or not. Having someone acknowledge that we’re good [or not so good] at something plays a part in how we view ourselves. At the end of the day, I still love myself. All I’m saying is that having someone else appreciating my efforts makes it that much easier to feel good about me. On the other end of the spectrum, negative comments can be just as damaging.

Anywho, those were just some of my thoughts. My comment was a bit lengthy and didn’t apply to the main part of the post, so I just decided to put it over here. What do you think? Do you agree with my reasoning, or is self-esteem is gained some other way? Why do people hate to admit that they care what other people think? Have you ever struggled with low self-esteem? How did you fix it? Talk to me.